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ya down with ept ?

June 28, 2011

Did anyone ever tell you that some things are worth waiting for but then you went home with them and then bought a pregnancy test because those results are absolutely not worth waiting for especially when there are like one million places you can go to take the GD EPT and get it over with?

The girls’ bathroom at Spiderhouse was always full of used preg tests (not mine), and once a friend made me go to WhichWhich with her on the drag so she could take one between classes. Not the best places to take one, but maybe not the worst. Annecy and I have settled on the 50 least desirable places to find out YOU’RE HAVING A BAYBEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

me: when you get out of line at the great white roller coaster at seaworld and then cant ride bc of the baby

annecy: when you go to your doctor and she tells you you’re 7 months along so you can’t abort

at brunch with your grandma

me: after u od on plan b

annecy: at central booking

me: when u wake up from lipo

annecy: when the mormons show up at your door

me: after u get a tattoo on yr belly that says “no room at the inn”

annecy: after you get a tattoo on your belly of a deflated balloon

annecy: in the laundromat after your clothes catch on fire

laundromat dryers get super hot

after waking up from a dream where you missed your last classes and never graduated and realize that you actually did miss those classes

me: after you find out yr boyf is psychic and wasn’t calling u baby but was really talking to your belly

annecy: hahahaha

at the wine bar where you just threw up but u can’t tell if it was wine or baby

me: haha

while you’re watching babies the documentary

while you’re having sex watching babies the documentary

annecy: ew and you’re white so you know you’re going to have the most boring one

me: and that dad is whoever made you watch it and then put a move on you

annecy: when you’re at the movie store and some dude is reeeeally pushing you to rent babies the documentary

me: right after you buy a mystery groupon but it’s for ten free rentals of babies the documentary

annecy: when you’re at an interview for your dream job making documentaries and they’re about to say “you can have this job but you can’t be pregnant”

documentaries about babies

me: right after you have your tubes tied and you’re recovering in the hospital bedroom and the nurse turns on the tv and babies the documentary is on

annecy: hahahah

annecy: when you’re about to drift into a peaceful slumber, as i am now, and a giant man jumps in your room and says “you’re pregnant, bitch!”

me: hahahaha

when your’e standing in line to buy nerds at the deli and the man behind you in line who you think is about to reach for something on the counter whispers ‘you’re pregnant’ in your ear

annecy: hahahaahahahah

yeah if anyone whispered that in my ear i’d freak out

me: WHISPERING MEANS IT’S TRUE

annecy: zackly

me: that’s how i’ll tell someone if i ever become preg

annecy: !!!!

hahhahaha’

annecy: gnite

i hope i don’t dream that i’m preg

me: me 2! twice in 1 week*

*Earlier this week I dreamt I was 6.5 months pregnant with Vince’s kid and had to tell Coach Taylor…

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