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I can’t feel my face

May 13, 2011

The other day I woke up to a garbage truck playing Enya and I was thinking, this is weird and much too loud for this hour and I don’t really even know what they’re sing-saying, but really I was sort of thinking, I wish someone else was hearing this right now and I don’t mean across the street I mean maybe they’re sitting on my couch or making me tea or something. So, after my 95-year-old grandmother told me that I look like a witch this last week, I decided I would look up the spell for “finding someone to laugh about the garbage truck with.” I’m open to anything – maybe it could be my landlord who lives above me or her 4 year old son or the guy who works in the garage next door, though I don’t know if we have the same sense of humor. Either way it’s awfully lucky I came across lovespells911.com.

If the site alone doesn’t convince you the testimonials will. Apparently “Olivia” is head witch because she gets all the credit in the thank-you section:

Hi Olivia, This is James. I wanted to thank you for helping me get my girlfriend Roxanne back. She broke up with me last month and I have been miserable ever since the day she left. I ordered your Return My Ex-Girlfriend Love Spell and within a couple of weeks we were back together! I have to say I am very pleased how fast and effective your spells are. I am also going to order a Money Spell to help with some finances. I would like to propose to Roxie and I want to give her the ring she deserves!

Roxanne is so lucky. She 1. has a boyfriend who cares enough about her to cast a spell to get her back, and 2. is going to get the ring she deserves. Here is another one:

Olivia, this is Dan from Ohio. I just wanted to say thank you for all the help you have given me and Anna. We are getting along and working out all our problems. I love her and wanted this more than anything. I will be ordering a Magick Binding Love Spell from you next week. I want to ask her to marry me and be with me forever!
Dan — Dayton, OH

If Dan from Ohio is planning on putting a spell on Anna to BE WITH HIM FOREVER I don’t think he has any business asking her to marry him after that. Dan didn’t really do anything except spend $40.95. I really hope Anna and Roxie don’t know each other, because only one of them is going to get the ring she deserves.

I’ve seen enough witch movies to know that spells do not always bring you want you want. Have you seen Practical Magic? I needn’t say more. So maybe I’ll do my free consultation, and then decide if I want: Magick Love Spells / Magick Money Spells / Custom Magick Spells / Health & Beauty Magick Spells / Get Even Magick Spells / Magick Protection Spells / Adult Magick Spells / Magic Addiction Spells. Or, Olivia also does dream interpretations, which might be helpful if I have that dream where someone cuts my face off again.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Melissa permalink
    May 26, 2011 10:44 am

    Tennis player teen witch

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