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You fancy

May 12, 2011

I used to play tennis in high school for like four hours every day and sometimes eight hours every day in the summer. I don’t know if you’ve ever played tennis but you start running and then stop running and then start and then stop and then start and then stop ad infinitum, and your body is all I got this, until your feet are all, shut up I hate you so much I would just disfigure you RIGHT NOW if I could!, and your toenails are all, yea, like, we agree with your feet so we’ll stick around for a little bit but then we’re taking off. And then you lose your toenails.

If you haven’t ever lost a nail I feel sorry for you because you have no idea what it looks like underneath, which is to say you are maybe out of touch with your body. My friend at work lost a fingernail last summer in a rock accident, and just this month lost a toenail from running around a lot. A lot of people try to hide the fact that part of their body is missing by covering it with a band-aid. This doesn’t work for everything but it does work for nails. I just invented a new band-aid with fingernails on them so no one even looks twice:

(lindsay lohan edition)

Some people just paint their actual skin to make it look like a nail is there when there totally isn’t one there at all. They’re not fooling anyone because come on you can tell the difference between a nail being painted and paint on skin, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. You could also use a piece of paper you found and tape it on, or silly putty, or just never take your socks off – it’s up to you.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. brent permalink
    May 12, 2011 4:04 pm

    I just lost my toenail! 😦

    • christie young permalink*
      May 12, 2011 4:08 pm

      FROM READING THIS?!?!

  2. Anonymous permalink
    May 12, 2011 5:06 pm

    The ad that comes up is about toenail fungus. If you lose your nail, do you lose the fungus too?

  3. Jacqueline permalink
    May 12, 2011 5:07 pm

    The ad that comes up is for treating toenail fungus. If you lose your toenail, do you get rid of your toenail fungus too?

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