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What to eat when you’re really really reallllllly broke

April 12, 2011

I think I’m a pretty good cook. If we’re friends I’ve probably cooked for you, and you can vote right here whether you agree or not:

If you think we’re friends but I’ve never cooked for you, maybe you should reevaluate things.

Right now it’s two days before payday and I’m broke as a joke. The only edible things I have in my apartment are condiments,  expired condiments, and a tub of sunflower seeds that Annecy left here and I promise I’ll pay her back. If you’re in same place right now and wondering if you should walk the mile to your studio because you think you left half a package of NBA edition goldfish crackers there, here are some ideas to get you to payday alive.

1. Potatoes

Whoever said potatoes were just for the Irish were absolutely right. But what better way to connect with a country that I have no connections with than to eat the food of the land. Rich in carbs and low in everything else, they are ideal for keeping you full until you walk the mile for that bag of goldfish. Throw some hot sauce on it (expired or non-expired) and pretend it’s being served rare.

2. Water

The water that comes out of my tap is a little murky. That’s because it’s full of vitamins and those tiny little invisible shrimp we found out about a while ago. Since I haven’t had free shrimp since forever, I’ll take it. I went to a Weight Watchers meeting a few weeks ago (whatever, it was for work) and one of the all-star ladies in the crowd told us that drinking a lot of water kept her feeling full. First I was all, yea right!, and then was all, yea, right, I forgot about the shrimp. So drink up, dinner’s on the house (assuming you have a place to live).

3. Craigslist

Duh x infinity, Craigslist is full of men just dying to meet a nice girl for dinner, possibly a stroll just two adults having a meal. My only concern is if he’s pulling the wool over my eyes and I go to dinner and he excuses himself to go to the bathroom and walks out and leaves me with the bill and an angry waiter that really needed that tip because he has to pay rent. And while the thought of that is terrifying, I’ve thought it through so much I think I could sell the script and maybe Sandy Bullock will play me on the big screen (I end up marrying the waiter, to be played by Tim Riggins). While we’re at it, someone should snatch up this guy–I went to Dallas BBQ for the first time two weeks ago, and that place is no joke. Just order a margarita and you’ll pass out right after you eat some “onion loaf” and right before you realize how hungry you still are.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. molly permalink
    April 13, 2011 12:19 pm

    that dallas bbq guy made me real sad, but i have not ruled out replying yet

  2. christie young permalink*
    April 13, 2011 12:23 pm

    mo sticky wings mo problems

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