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Not the mama

March 30, 2011

Our good friend Nicole Kern runs Is This a Dealbreaker?, which has been on hiatus for a while but is finally back. My favorite deal breakers are: loves Melissa Joan Hart, string backpacks, and doesn’t want me to vote. I would add Savage Garden tattoos to the list, but maybe it just takes the right forearm (actually it doesn’t, and I know because I’ve seen one; Truly, Madly, Deeply). Nicole’s are always really good, but today as I was leaving work I tried to think of the deal breaker of all deal breakers.

You’re not gonna give someone the time of day because they have Taking Chances by Celine Dion on vinyl? Get real, maybe you would and then some. And for every brah, dude, dawg, and freak, there’s a complimentary lady (or male) version out there who is far from adverse to what you and I would call deal breakers. Doing five to ten?PrisonPenPals.com, WriteaPrisoner.com, ConvictMailbag.com, or Meet-an-Inmate.com proves that jail clearly is not a deal breaker for some. This woman will even help you find your deal-maker:

Yes you can

I wanted to think of the worst thing possible but still sort of realistic. Someone having a conjoined twin that you only became aware of when you MO for the first time and slip your hand up their shirt only to find a living breathing half-human where abs should be is probably not gonna happen. But, imagine if there’s no twin and you’re into this hunk / babe upon first sight and you make sex eyes at them and they walk up to you and you smile and they smile and you say hi and they say hi and then their voice sounds like this:

Deal breaker? Maybe, maybe not. If you only talk in whispers maybe it’s not that bad. So you look past the fact that they have the voice of a puppet and you two become a thing and have a time and whatever. And then one day you’re checking your e’s on their computer and come across something they’ve written called “Love or infactuation.” (it’s unclear if that c is intentional or not).  And it’s fanfiction. And it’s Dinosaurs fanfiction.

THIS EXISTS AND THERE IS A SHIT LOAD OF IT.

In this world of dino-d-light, the girl dinos are considered “genteel, pretty, and cute” meanwhile Robbie, the lead, is going through some pretty heavy stuff. He’s hot, bothered, and mercury is in retrograde. In fact  “he felt warm inside, not warm hot, warm comfortable.” (greenhouse gasses??) I wish I could feel warm comfortable. I can’t even think about whether this is a deal breaker or not because I can hardly tear my eyes away from “Fridge day” by ImJesseTR. I tried to get a clue of who the person behind this tour de force might be, but based on their avatar they may / may not have a daughter / tiny wife living in a watermelon.

I'm Jessie TR

Check it out. Maybe you and JesseTR will hit it off.

 

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 1, 2011 1:12 am

    “ha”

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