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Literate, just a little bit

March 21, 2011

My first and only day in a Radio-Television-Film class was spent going around the room and everyone naming what their favorite movies were. All of the boys said Fight Club and all of the girls said Amélie and I said no thanks. I’m not a film person, I fall asleep in 50% of movies, and I like sci-fi. It was too much. But I guess the rest of the United States fell in love with Audrey Tautou after seeing Amélie too and she went on to star in the Hollywood blockbuster The Da Vinci Code. Have you seen it? If you did, give yourself a pat on the back because you helped make Dan Brown $6 million more rich.

Dan Brown isn't afraid of money

I never read the book but I saw the movie at the same theatre in San Antonio where I saw Operation Dumbo Drop. Now I’m giving myself a pat on the back. Anyways, I thought the ancient religions and coptic texts and mystery men in black robes would make up for the rest, but they didn’t really. So as I look back on the 149 minutes I spent in 2006, I wonder if I could have done anything differently. Of course I couldn’t have! But Dan Brown could have, and here is what he should have done:

9 am:  Wake up sort of early on a Sunday in a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. Your sink is full of tequila-soaked strawberries and glasses, but your turtle tank is clean so you ignore the mess until later. You’re a busy woman.

11 am: Meet your sister and her husband for brunch. Make a joke about ordering the lobster and eggs for breakfast because you are vegetarian, and great at jokes.

1pm: Watch Sex and the City the movie for the first time. Note which one you relate to most.

7pm: Get home, eat chips for dinner, do the dishes you ignored earlier.

9pm:  Google search “the most popular episode of unsolved mysteries ever”; results yield unsatisfactory findings

9:01pm: Click on a list of  “top 10 unsolved mysteries” — find out that the author does not mean the television series

9:10pm: Discover the Voynich manuscript. Rename The Da Vinci Code something like Ciphertext. Look up ‘ciphertext’

If you don’t go to Yale you probably don’t even know what the Voynich manuscript is. It’s basically a book that’s believed to have been written in the early 15th century, and NO ONE CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT IT SAYS. There are 240 pages, tons of illustrations, and chapters about plants, astrology, biology, and some other stuff. Here is what it looks like:

Early manuscript of Eat Pray Love?

There are 1,000,000 supa dupa fly things about this book. People have been trying to decipher what it says since its rediscovery in 1912, there are 170,000 unique glyphs in its 240 pages, and there are a few jokers out there who think the book is one big joke. I really enjoy the crude illustrations, especially this one:

Girls, girls, girls, girls

The author/illustrator uses these sorta silly stars throughout that are both cute an ominous because who knows what they stand for. At this point no one knows anything about anything! There is so much speculation that it makes my brain melt. I also had to look up what “word entropy” meant. Here’s what it means:

In this context, the term usually refers to the Shannon entropy, which quantifies the expected value of the information contained in a message, usually in units such as bits. Equivalently, the Shannon entropy is a measure of the averageinformation content one is missing when one does not know the value of the random variable.

This is so confusing! We are missing the majority of the information! What are we quantifying if nothing can be proven?! Can the average information content one is missing be EVERYTHING? Why did I study English?!?

Anyways, if you have some time to spare you should look it up. Woofbuzz has decided to award the first person to figure it out with one official Woofbuzz sweatshirt, valued at priceless.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 21, 2011 12:05 pm

    Tell me it was Embassy.

  2. jdh permalink
    March 21, 2011 5:44 pm

    embassy is not a sex and the city character

  3. christie young permalink*
    March 21, 2011 9:46 pm

    STOP FIGHTING!

  4. March 22, 2011 1:08 am

    perhaps some clues to the voynich lie within dan brown’s chin dimple

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