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Yo momma so fat, she at least partially responsible in some way for our evolutionary divergence from chimps

March 16, 2011

Feeling alone?

So let’s say there’s this really freaky deaky cult, where there’s a patriarch and then a bunch of dudes and a bunch of women and everyone’s doing it to everyone else.  And there are all these kids and no one knows who their dad is (there is no DNA testing in this scenario).  And there are cults just like this one all over the place.  Still with me? OK so all the girls in these cults are like ‘peace out’ when they get old enough and join another cult.  And all the men in one cult kind of hate all the men in another cult and sometimes go to war against other cults.

Well, this is basically how chimp groups work. I’m just saying, don’t be surprised if you’re approached by a chimp at a mall and she asks you to buy flowers and then come to her ‘love compound’. Chimps know their moms and they know their siblings, but their dads are sort of a mystery.

grandpa and grandma

Anyway, paleoanthropologists and primatologists studying social differences between early hominid groups (chimp-like little guys) and modern humans point to these runaway chimp teen girls as the possible missing link.  Early human dudes were able to recognize the girls/women that had left their groups and not hate the other dudes because they shared a common genetic interest, which led to cooperation between groups for food and stuff.

My favorite part of this article is this:

So if ever a visiting Martian biologist should ask you what made your species the master of its planet, point first to your mother and all her relatives, then to the whites of your eyes, and only lastly to your prominent forehead.

What I’m trying to say is: YOUR MOM IS RESPONSIBLE FOR FACEBOOK.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. christie young permalink*
    March 16, 2011 3:03 am

    JUST SAYING: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanzee

    I’VE SEEN THE DOCUMENTARY.

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