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Happy birthday, Ken, you pig!

March 13, 2011

I am sort of a D. Vote E. of The Hairpin (I even read Ask A Queer Chick and now I know allllll about the f-word, not that f-word, the other one, for girls w/ girls or cis-girls/girls or trans-men/girls or trans/trans or cis/cis).  I especially enjoy the news on Barbie, because who didn’t make their Barbies make out with Ken when they were little and just discovering bodies? Anybody? Crickets, I’m sure you did this and that’s why you’re chirping so loudly.

Anyway, Ken is celebrating the big 5-0 today.  To celebrate, I’m going to make my body the scale replica of Barbie’s , which means I need to grow a foot plus 2 inches, lose 50 pounds, get big n’ bouncy boobies ((ddoouubbllee FFs)), lose 11 linches in my waist, and bind my big old feet until they’re a PERFECT SIZE 5. Also I’m going to show you this Ken commercial, which makes me long to be a teenage lesbo model with that perfect, blond, well-dressed beard.

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