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She like tanning, I like staying in

March 1, 2011

I like summer because I like being tan. And being tan is beautiful and fun. The goal is to get so tan that freckles and veins disappear, leaving my legs to look like they have a silky pair of coconut infused pantyhose on that coincidentally extend over the rest of my body. Leave looking sun-kissed to the babies, I want to be the last woman standing at a make-out party with UV rays.

If you google image search “beautiful tan people” you’ll come to find out that anyone can be tan, and anyone can look good tan. Men, women, children, teenagers, 20-somethings. This means you. Check out this gal getting the maximum tan:

maximum tan

You might be thinking you can achieve the same look by going to Darque Tan or slopping on some self-tanner. You probably can, but good luck enjoying it as much. Now you might be thinking, what about my health? Is it worth the risk? It is! Have you ever not been invited to a party, and worried it was because of how you looked? It probably was because pale people look sick (and contagious). But, it’ll never happen again. If you need proof, I’ve been to every party that’s happened since I started tanning accidentally in middle school. The proof is in the Banana Boat.

If you’re unsure about what to do, all you really need is 1. your body and 2. sunlight. If you’re missing one, forget about getting a glow. Take off your clothes, and rotate your body every so often in direct sunlight so that every inch is equally exposed to the sun. This can be achieved either by using a timer or sitting on a lazy susan. It helps if you’re a little drunk and/or not alone. By the end of the summer, you’ll be tired of hearing yourself described as “gorgeous” and “healthy.” I’ll leave you with Camilla Belle as an example:

tan babe

I too have brown hair and brown eyes, and when I image the picture on the right as me, I’m having a lot of fun. Like I just left the beach with all my friends and now I’m in a Jeep fun.  If I even try to imagine myself as the one on the left, I’m asking my boyfriend if he remembered to pick up the dry cleaning on his way home from the gym. Enough said.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 1, 2011 10:49 am


  2. March 1, 2011 12:12 pm

    i feel like i inspired this post. brown/brown

  3. woofbuzz permalink*
    March 1, 2011 12:16 pm

    totally did, aside from the tan part. you + cindy c = ultimate brown/brown.

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